i heart dan bergstein

i found him whilst prepping for book group. hilarity ensued.

Chapter Eight: Adrenaline
Better Title: The Adventures of Bossy Bella and Jacob the Shirtless Wonder

Bella is anxious to ride her motorcycle for the first time. Jacob makes sure she knows where the brakes, gear shifts, and clutch are located before letting her drive. She's scared, but says that she can do this because she has already "lived through the worst thing possible." Worst thing possible? Really? She better be talking about the time she stormed the beaches of Normandy on D-day, or else her comment comes across as very naive. Breaking up with your boyfriend, even if he sparkles, is not the worst thing in the world. There are far worse things that can happen, such as:

Slowly dying from an incurable disease.
Watching a loved one perish after her scarf (which you bought her for Christmas) gets caught in a helicopter propeller.
Losing the Olympic Marathon by three-tenths of a second.
Being buried (or eaten) alive.
Missing out on the factory tour because of your stupid peanut allergies.
Running out of food during the storm of the century and being forced to choose between eating your cat, your dog, or your own fingers.
Getting a sunburn moments before going to a sweater party.

des again. the best part is that after each post, dan will make a prediction of what comes next.

Prediction: After searching for a few days, Jacob and Bella locate the meadow of love. There they find Edward caressing Bella's mom's face and saying, "You smell even better then Bella, and you're much less whiny. Plus, you can buy me cigarettes…Oh crap! Hi Bella. 'Sup Jacob? We were just…uh…planning Bella's surprise party, weren't we, Rene?" Nine minutes of awkward silence follows.

he is so funny! if you need to kill an hour or so before you geek out to death over the big box office night, i won't judge you because i obviously just spent large amounts of time reading his critiques and giggling about the pics he draws.

other reasons to follow his blog:
currently reading eclipse and keeping a running tally of how many times edward glowers and bella mumbles.
draws werewolves with jetpacks on.

http://community.sparknotes.com/2009/07/16/blogging-twilight-index-page

dude.

please for my birthday i would like:

carrot cake without nuts

the cute green purse that just went on sale at anthro

an entire day where "snowboarding" is not spoken of

a well behaved doggy

15 minute shoulder squeeze

hand-signed cards from the babies and sisters

and my beer rebate checks to come

that would be just fab.

what i happily lost my weekend to:

red chicken chili that simmered in the CP for 8 hours, and then disappeared at the cook off faster than anybody else's - hello! a hearty (get the chili reference?) shout out to big sis steph for the recipe. and a house full of babies. even though they aren't really babies anymore, they will always be age 2 and age 5 to me, like how patty thought i was 8 for like 4 years. it was an
adventure, thats for sure.

and finally - colby's latest vid game and my latest pseudo crush:

nate from "uncharted 2". i have always been a fan of watching vid games when they are clever and have a fun story, and this one is especially great because the hero has an a%# that doesn't quit! i mean, check out the jeans!! wrangler butts drive me nuts!!

a few suggestions

due to my current under-the-weather status, i have spent much of this last week glued to a tv screen when my head isn't glued to a pillow. here are my recommendations, in no particular order, of how to occupy your time should you find yourself down with the swizine:

17 again - zcefron has the most delicious hair i have ever seen. and its not nearly as annoying as you think it will be. jan levenson-gould holds her own.

the rocker - recommended by our bishop, believe it or not.

austrailia - long but worth it. beautifully filmed, plus hugh is delicious.

john adams from hbo - why haven't we heard more from abigail? she is the reason john was the way he was! very good portrayal of forward-thinking people. and david mccullough spoke at my graduation so there.

despereaux - and dont even laugh! its so cute and so sweet and the perfect story for girls.

adventureland - i heart jesse eisenberg. wow! kristen stewart is a good little actress!

and fired up - an irreverent response to 'bring it on'.

who's the obsessed one now?

so last night, we were headed to see zombieland with a couple of friends (movie was AWESOME by the way) and i was grump-central because colby made us late and we missed every preview. something about having to kill a big beetle in an alternate reality called world of warcraft. and if you know me at all, theres nothing i love more than highly anticipated previews and making fun of ones that look totally sucky - so all in all, things not going so hot. when i voiced my complaint to colby, things went a little like this:

me: i cant believe we are missing the previews! its the best part about paying 8 bucks to see a movie - knowing what will suck before the dollar-theater-goers.

colby: well, they won't show the twilight preview, anyway.

(long silence while i contemplate that and colby no doubt thought about $5 popcorn)

me: what do you mean they won't show the twilight preview? who said anything about the twilight preview? its a freaking zombie show - thats like saying 'well, they won't show the princess and the frog preview'.

colby: didn't you say twilight?

me: no.

colby: oh. im pretty sure you did.

and im pretty sure he likes twilight as much as any giggly, blushing girl but will never admit to daydreaming about jacob black - his latest object of admiration.

so anyways, this brief clip is for him. and you can enjoy it too.

i am so buying this

i know its pretty dumb, but it might be cute over a shade tee with a big-deal necklace or under a schlumpy cardigan, right?

wish i though of this first