first snowfall

rosie woke me up just after one to piddle, and i havent been able to sleep since. i am in awe of the white blanketing the world outside. this is the first snowfall of the season, and the first snow to fall on my mom's final resting place. i hope she is watching with awe, like i am, at the peace and tranquility of life that comes with fresh white snow, covering the imperfections and making everything look perfect and whole.

mom always knew just how much to celebrate the seasons. she loved living in utah and the changes the weather brought year round. i remember one day in particular i was walking home from junior high in sleeting snow and rain, totally miserable and almost in tears at how awful and wet i felt. the second i walked in the door, mom took one look at me and immediately ran a shower; she said the only way i would ever be warm again was to start fresh. oh and was she ever right! moms just know, they know exactly what to do in pretty much any circumstance that seems impossible to a grumpy teenager. when i emerged from my hot rain shower that fogged the entire room, i found that she had set my pjs on my bed, her favorite ones, the ones that made me look and feel like a little girl, i think they had christmas reindeer on them, along with fluffy cushy socks. you always wore socks at my house. if mom saw you walking around without socks she would go get you a pair, make you sit down, and put them on your feet herself. she got me the socks with the grippies on the bottoms every year for either my birthday or christmas. anyway, after feeling warm and clean and comfortable, i walked into the kitchen where mom had made my favorite soup, tomato garden, cheese toast, and was cocktailing herself and me a diet coke with lime - not the dc with the lime already in it, the real stuff, with lots of ice and a straw. and her care and special compassion to me grumpily walking home from school on this friday afternoon completely turned my day around, and we started talking about how beautiful the snow made everything look. it didnt occur to me until this very minute of typing that mom had already spent about three hours in the cold that same day as me, and couldnt have been home much longer than i was, and instead of nursing her own cold bones and tired feet she took care of me.

oh momma, i miss you.

she loved the snow and ice so much that when patrick was in africa she had me walk the neighborhood with her after church one sunday with a camera and take pictures of the frozen trees and bushes. she thought he might be missing the white and the cold, and the beauty of the world when it is cold and still. im not a photographer by any means, but when we printed the film and got ready to send it off she made me feel like an artist for simply capturing what she saw as magical that everyone else saw as bbrrrrrrrr.

maybe tomorrow, well in a few hours, i will have to go visit her and take a wreath or something, anything to celebrate the first pure white snowfall since her passing. she would love that, i bet.