ah, the perfection that is a grilled cheese sandwich...

what an eventless evening. husband is out with music loving friends, rosie content to lay on the couch cushions watching project runway, and im battling internally to not destroy the boxes of girl scout cookies that arrived today. i had a quiet dinner by myself - a beautifully carmelized sammy made on the good grandma bread with muenster cheese - and now im here blogging for you all. if any of you read me, that is.

dear people of the internet, i am seriously flawed just like every other human being. the difference between me now and the me one year ago is that im okay with my genuine self being maybe a little soft in the middle, laughing way too loud, crying when im pissed, and telling off the idiots in my life when they are out of line. and if any of you know me AT ALL, you will realize that this is huge. i have been (for close to 8 years now) trying to be everything to everyone - nurturing the people i love, listening to friends' terrible break up stories, encouraging them to grow and discover, trying to be the martha stewart in my home, patiently accepting advice from people that should never give it, etc. and truthfully, i love helping others and i feel like i have been blessed with a lot of empathy and need to spread it around. so if you have shared secrets with me and needed me in the past, its fine! im happy to help you because i love you. however, you will probably be hearing from me now soon. its my turn to ask for help. i am okay with people knowing that i struggle with life. im fine if my friends know that i fight with my mom every time i speak to her. its not a big deal if people see my house when its messy or me without makeup, which is pretty much all the time lately. i dont care if you see the cracks and stains of my life on me anymore.

i love my life and have been very blessed. the interesting discovery that has arisen out of this garbage dump situation is that PEOPLE DO CARE, OFTEN TIMES MUCH MORE THAN YOU THINK THEY DO. but we need to tell them that its okay to help us.

i have met a few really great women who have quite honestly saved me from myself. and i love you guys. im so grateful to be on the other side of this and see exactly how far i have been able to jump, stumble, trip, fall, and get up and walk to the good place im in today. it was because i was able to lean on you that i got here.

i am not perfect and i have no plans to ever be perfect. i also dont have any plans to do anything tonight except what me and rosie wanna do... we are home alone tonight and thats okay. me and pups love you and are happy to have friends that love us back.