i heart dan bergstein

i found him whilst prepping for book group. hilarity ensued.

Chapter Eight: Adrenaline
Better Title: The Adventures of Bossy Bella and Jacob the Shirtless Wonder

Bella is anxious to ride her motorcycle for the first time. Jacob makes sure she knows where the brakes, gear shifts, and clutch are located before letting her drive. She's scared, but says that she can do this because she has already "lived through the worst thing possible." Worst thing possible? Really? She better be talking about the time she stormed the beaches of Normandy on D-day, or else her comment comes across as very naive. Breaking up with your boyfriend, even if he sparkles, is not the worst thing in the world. There are far worse things that can happen, such as:

Slowly dying from an incurable disease.
Watching a loved one perish after her scarf (which you bought her for Christmas) gets caught in a helicopter propeller.
Losing the Olympic Marathon by three-tenths of a second.
Being buried (or eaten) alive.
Missing out on the factory tour because of your stupid peanut allergies.
Running out of food during the storm of the century and being forced to choose between eating your cat, your dog, or your own fingers.
Getting a sunburn moments before going to a sweater party.

des again. the best part is that after each post, dan will make a prediction of what comes next.

Prediction: After searching for a few days, Jacob and Bella locate the meadow of love. There they find Edward caressing Bella's mom's face and saying, "You smell even better then Bella, and you're much less whiny. Plus, you can buy me cigarettes…Oh crap! Hi Bella. 'Sup Jacob? We were just…uh…planning Bella's surprise party, weren't we, Rene?" Nine minutes of awkward silence follows.

he is so funny! if you need to kill an hour or so before you geek out to death over the big box office night, i won't judge you because i obviously just spent large amounts of time reading his critiques and giggling about the pics he draws.

other reasons to follow his blog:
currently reading eclipse and keeping a running tally of how many times edward glowers and bella mumbles.
draws werewolves with jetpacks on.

http://community.sparknotes.com/2009/07/16/blogging-twilight-index-page