how i keep my sanity

• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
• Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

And finally!

When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.